Use of minimizing language is the biggest confidence and credibility killer for women in the workplace.
Yes, you heard me right. Our choice of words not only influences our self-confidence but has a direct impact on our authority and credibility as a leader.
Minimizing words and phrases like “actually,” “just,” and “I’m sorry,” whether unconsciously or deliberately spoken, especially by women to conform to societal expectations of being warm, collaborative, and non-confrontational, diminishes their power and makes them appear less confident and competent.
In today’s newsletter, I want to share with you 10 ways women use minimizing language in the workplace and what they can say instead to build their authority and executive presence.
Example: "I'm not an expert on this topic, but I think we could consider..."
Why women do it: Women may use hedging language as a way to soften their statements or opinions in an effort to avoid appearing too assertive or confrontational. They may do this to maintain workplace harmony and avoid potential backlash or negative perceptions of their behavior. It can stem from societal expectations and stereotypes that discourage women from being too direct or confident in their communication style.
What to say instead: "I believe we should consider..."
Example: "I had a few ideas for the project, don't you think?"
Why women do it: Women often use tag questions to seek validation or permission from others. This can stem from a desire to appear collaborative and avoid being seen as overly assertive or dominant. It can also be influenced by societal expectations that place value on being agreeable and accommodating.
What to say instead: "I had a few ideas for the project. What are your thoughts on them?"
Example: "I sort of think we should focus on..."
Why women do it: Women may use qualifiers to downplay the certainty or confidence in their ideas. This can be driven by a fear of being perceived as too authoritative or being met with resistance. By using qualifiers, women may attempt to soften their statements and make them more palatable to others.
What to say instead: "I believe we should focus on..."
Example: "Sorry to interrupt, but I have a different perspective."
Why women do it: Women often apologize for speaking up or asserting themselves in order to avoid being seen as aggressive or rude. This tendency may stem from societal expectations that women should prioritize politeness and deference. Apologizing excessively can undermine their confidence and reinforce gendered stereotypes.
What to say instead: "I'd like to interject and share a different perspective."
Example: "Oh, it was nothing. I was just doing my job."
Why women do it: Women may downplay their accomplishments as a way to avoid appearing boastful or drawing too much attention to themselves. Society often values modesty in women, and expressing pride in their achievements can be perceived as immodest or seeking excessive recognition.
What to say instead: "Thank you! I put a lot of effort into completing that task."
Example: "Well, I managed to get it done, but it's probably not my best work."
Why women do it: Women may use self-deprecating humor to downplay their achievements or capabilities. This can be influenced by societal expectations that discourage women from openly celebrating their successes. By making light of their accomplishments, they may seek to appear more approachable or relatable to others.
What to say instead: "I completed the task and learned a lot along the way."
Example: "Could you please consider my suggestion?"
Why women do it: Women sometimes frame their statements as polite requests rather than direct assertions. For example, saying "Could you please consider my suggestion?" instead of confidently stating, "I recommend we implement this." This can be driven by societal expectations for women to prioritize politeness and avoid being seen as pushy.
What to say instead: "I strongly recommend we implement this."
Example: "I'm not sure if this makes sense, but maybe we could try..."
Why women do it: Women may use disclaimers to preemptively address doubts or concerns about their ideas or suggestions. This can be influenced by a fear of being perceived as inadequate or making mistakes. By using disclaimers, they may attempt to manage expectations and protect themselves from potential criticism.
What to say instead: "I have an idea. Let's try..."
Example: "I don't want to sound self-centered, but I had a similar experience..."
Why women do it: Women may hesitate to share personal experiences or anecdotes that validate their ideas or perspectives, fearing it may come across as self-centered or irrelevant. They may prioritize the needs and interests of others and downplay their own experiences to maintain a sense of humility or avoid appearing self-absorbed.
What to say instead: "I had a similar experience that I believe is relevant to this situation."
Example: "So, like, I think we should, you know, consider this option."
Why women do it: Women sometimes use filler words and phrases more frequently as a habit of speech. This can be influenced by various factors, including socialization patterns, cultural norms, or the desire to maintain conversational flow. However, overusing fillers can undermine their confidence and make their communication appear less impactful.
What to say instead: "I think we should seriously consider this option."
Which habit are you guilty of?
If you are ready to quit minimizing yourself, position yourself as the go-to-leader, and multiply your confidence, career, and impact, below are 3 ways I can help.
If you are ready to quit minimizing yourself, position yourself as the go-to-leader, and multiply your confidence, career, and impact, below are 3 ways I can help.
